I've been away for a few days. There were some things that needed to be sorted out and some chapters in my life that were closed. I've been having a terrible time lately trying to come to terms with grieving for our angel and wondering when (or if) things will ever start to get better, or at least for the good days to start to out number the bad.
On Monday I had decided to attend a support group that I found in Central London run by The Miscarriage Association. I have always found it easier to talk about my feelings and grief to other women who I don't necessarily know, but who have gone through and are feeling the same ways that I am. All day I had been contemplating whether or not to go as the thought of travelling for 45 minutes to get there was causing my anxiety to go crazy! In the end I thought to myself, I'll just go this once, if I don't like it or if I feel uncomfortable I can just leave and I never have to go back again. Now, I am so glad that I did go as I feel it was the best thing that I've done to help on my path of grief. We all sat and spoke about our own stories, experiences and feelings. Every woman's story was different to the next but it was so strange how each story related to your own. It helped me to know that the feelings and emotions I am going through are normal, and that other women are feeling them too. Things that I have been feeling that are tearing me apart, other women said they had the same experience and it made me feel a lot less guilty for feeling like that. I would like to thank every one of the women that was there at the group that night for sharing their stories and their kind and supportive words. Without them, I don't think I could have made it through the next day.
The Miscarriage Association Support Group - London
McNair Centre, Guys Hospital
Next meeting is 29th July from 6.30pm-7.30pm
Email: info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk for your nearest meeting.
For anyone looking for a support network or somewhere to go to speak to other women (and men) I highly recommend this group! The only thing is that it is only run once a month, it would be nice to have a group every 2 weeks or so, so you can make connections with the women you are sharing your story with.
One thing that has been playing on my mind a huge amount for the past couple of days is whether or not we should try again? This pregnancy was completely out of the blue, but was a pleasant surprise when we found out. Now I have been thinking about maybe trying again, wanting another baby so much it hurts to even think about it. Last night it hit me, what if we did get pregnant again and we lost another child? How could we ever get through this happening a second time? I know I shouldn't be thinking about that and the stress that I would put myself under would be completely unhealthy, but I think it's a thought that will never go away until I have a healthy, happy rainbow baby in my arms.
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