My story.

Although it hasn't been long since our little bundle of joy was sent to heaven, I feel as though starting this blog is going to be a great help in starting to deal with what has happened. If this blog could reach just one person and give them comfort, knowing that they are not alone in what they are going through,  my scribbles will be worth while. 

My name is Samantha and this is my journey. To start this journey, I would like to share my story.

We found out that we were expecting at the end of April, it came as a complete shock as me and my partner had recently moved away from our house that we shared and back to our respective parents houses. My younger sister had also found out that she was pregnant around 6 weeks before we did, so there was a lot of excitement in the air when we told my mum. 

As this was unplanned, it took us a while to get our heads around what was happening and we started looking for a new place to live as a family that would be close enough to both of our families to start our new life.

3 weeks ago I started getting cramps in my lower abdomen and around my lower back, I thought these would just be regular pregnancy pains but booked a doctors appointment for a week later just to be safe. For the time leading up to my doctors appointment I knew in the back of my mind that something bad was happening but I didn't want to believe it and just put it down to nerves as it was approaching our 12 week scan. The pain was constantly there but was mostly at it's worse during the evening and at night when I laid down.

The doctors appointment came along 2 days before our scan. The doctor told me that from what I told her it was most likely that I had a urine infection and that my heart and blood pressure was fine. She gave me antibiotics (suitable for pregnant women) and told me to bring a urine sample in the next day, she examined my stomach but didn't do any scans or check for a heartbeat. She told me that everything seemed fine, but at the back of my mind I still knew that something wasn't right. That night when I got home, I had some really light spotting and didn't sleep at all.

The next day I phoned my midwife and explained about the pains, the spotting and what the doctor had told me. She, again, said that what I was explaining sounded like a urine infection and that some women loose blood during their pregnancies. She assured me that it didn't sound like something to worry about and that I shouldn't bother going to A&E as my scan was the next day. 

The next day we went into the scan room and I held my breath, as she started the ultrasound I felt sick and couldn't even look at the screen. I looked at my partner and asked if there was anything on the screen. It felt like an infinity before the nurse spoke, saying the words that I had been dreading for 2 weeks. Our baby was there, but unfortunately there was no heartbeat. We were now the mummy and daddy of an angel baby.

This day changed my life forever.