Happy Fathers Day.

Firstly I'd like to say Happy Fathers Day to my other half. It has only been just over a week now since we lost our little peanut but I know you would have been the best daddy in the world, but now our angel baby is watching down on us and knows just how amazing you really are! Also to all of the other dads of angel babies, although you were never able to hold your precious bundles in your arms, they will always be in your hearts. Just because our babies aren't here, it doesn't mean that we aren't parents. We just have a special kind of child.

This weekend has been really quite hard for me. My partner and I are currently living in separate houses so we spend as much of our free time as we can seeing each other and spending precious time together. Over the past 2 days we had things planned that we'd planned long before our lives had changed and we decided that we would go ahead and do them together. I haven't really left the house much since the day I came back from the hospital so this seemed like a good idea to get me out and have a bit of change of scenery. Everything seemed to be fine, but today I have realised that my body maybe isn't physically ready to get back to normal, and emotionally I definitely have a long way to go. It feels like weeks ago that we lost our peanut, but at the same time that day replays over in my head every time I wake up in the morning. 

With today being Fathers Day, I have found it particularly hard, holding onto the thought that we still are parents to our angel baby, we just never had the chance to meet him/her. Something that has comforted me so much is the beautiful words and pictures that people are posting on instagram. Although it sounds silly at the moment, I have spent a lot of time looking at the feeds of other men and women who have been through the same thing that we are at the moment. 

Something that I am trying to focus my thoughts on is thinking of something to look forward to. There has been such a lot of pain and negativity that something like our holiday in August may be just what we need right now. My graduation is in just over a week, I'm trying to think positively about that at the moment although it's hard to see past tomorrow.